LOLTheist: Blasphemy is Teh Funneh

Apparently I do requests.

Last night, Touchdown Jesus was struck down by lightning. You remember Touchdown Jesus, don’t you? Yeah. Toast. But never fear, they promise to rebuild him. Bigger, Stronger, Faster. I mean, if I believed in a god, and he just struck down a tacky idol. I would totally start rebuilding it the next day.

eta: and the markets rally over 2% on the news… Clearly it’s a sign.

We just received a veiled threat from reader Jesus “Jeezy” H. Chris, about “watching” us blasphemers. He was too busy to deal with us though, what with NASCAR and all. But was quick to point out he can be found at Jesus’ Daily Blog. I wonder if this is anything like a Throwdown?

Oh, and don’t worry about our safety. Apparently a seat in heaven costs just fifty bucks. I don’t trust him though, he’ll probably try to up sell me. Or worse, it’s a monthly subscription.

Where’s the Devil when you need him? So you can make an honest deal.

Submitted by Anonymous.

In other news…. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is on Blu-Ray now.

Loltheist and I watched it many years ago on DVD. Let me assure you, there is no need to see it in HD. Really.

Oddly enough, it’s a dollar cheaper on Blu-Ray. This means something I’m sure.

Much can be said of Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. It’s a movie I’ve meant to mention since the site opened.  I don’t think today is the day we post about it in depth, but suffice it to say, if you like bad movies…  Well, you’ll probably really enjoy JCVH.  I mean, how can you not like a movie with lesbians and a mexican wrestler taking on the forces of darkness with JC, and that is a musical.

ETA: It should be noted it has one of the best back covers of all time.

The second coming is upon us, and Jesus has returned to Earth. But before he can get down to the serious business of judging the living and the dead, he has to contend with an army of vampires that can walk in the daylight. Combining Kung-fu action with Biblical prophecy and a liberal dose of humor, the film teams the Savior with Mexican wrestling hero El Santos against mythological horrors and science gone mad and also manages to address contemporary sexual politics. And did we mention that it’s a musical? This sure ain’t Sunday school.

Actual Crucifix, from an actual Catholic Church in Oklahoma. On the bright side, at least Jesus is of the age of consent. That’s certainly a step forward for the Catholic Church.