Stolen from friendlyatheist.com

Yeah, me neither. But there you are. Horrify your friends today.

Ok, this is actually real. At least real enough to be carried by legitimate news sites. Apparently, poor broke Stephen Baldwin is not getting jobs in Hollywood because of his faith. But there’s a silver lining! Stephen’s spiritual advisor has a plan! So was launched a website for the Restoration of Stephen Baldwin. If every Christian were to just give a “token” donation, he, like Job, can be restored to, well, something.

I know you have questions, here’s some answers straight from the FAQ.

Q- How much money does he need?
A- From what I read in public court documents Stephen needs several million dollars to pay all of his creditors but he deserves hundreds of millions for his Job like faithfulness in the face of relentless loss and persecution.

Q- What about other people who are hurting in this economy?
A- Those that just came to your mind mail them a token gift also.

Q- What triggered you to do this?
A- In March of 08 I saw Stephen speak boldly for Christ on Trumps Celebrity Apprentice Show. Then in Aug 09 I saw Stephen and God being laughed at for his bankruptcy.

Thank god born again Christians have such a martyr in Stephen.

In other news…. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is on Blu-Ray now.

Loltheist and I watched it many years ago on DVD. Let me assure you, there is no need to see it in HD. Really.

Oddly enough, it’s a dollar cheaper on Blu-Ray. This means something I’m sure.

Much can be said of Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. It’s a movie I’ve meant to mention since the site opened.  I don’t think today is the day we post about it in depth, but suffice it to say, if you like bad movies…  Well, you’ll probably really enjoy JCVH.  I mean, how can you not like a movie with lesbians and a mexican wrestler taking on the forces of darkness with JC, and that is a musical.

ETA: It should be noted it has one of the best back covers of all time.

The second coming is upon us, and Jesus has returned to Earth. But before he can get down to the serious business of judging the living and the dead, he has to contend with an army of vampires that can walk in the daylight. Combining Kung-fu action with Biblical prophecy and a liberal dose of humor, the film teams the Savior with Mexican wrestling hero El Santos against mythological horrors and science gone mad and also manages to address contemporary sexual politics. And did we mention that it’s a musical? This sure ain’t Sunday school.

Actual Crucifix, from an actual Catholic Church in Oklahoma. On the bright side, at least Jesus is of the age of consent. That’s certainly a step forward for the Catholic Church.