It’s the strangest thing

We totally knew at some point some fundy would try to take us down, but elves? Seriously. You know how hard it is to find $1.37 in unmarked bills on Christmas eve?

Yeah, pretty tough.

It’s ok though, the FBI just went all Waco on their ass and we’re back. Hope everyone had a great xmas.

Holiday contest is still running through the end of the year. Don’t make the blood of those elves be in vane.

Same day, different week.

Ok, so traffic seems to be normal, even spry today, don’t you people have someplace to go? You’re not cruising the web while your family is around are you?  This is a time to be with your family!

What if your mother sees you on this site.  Think of the explaining you’ll have to do.

She’ll be terribly disappointed in you.  That’s for certain.

Then she’ll have to go complain to your father that she thought they had raised you better than this.  He’ll have to remind her that you are grown and out of the house and beyond their control.  Of course, that makes it sound like he’s taking your side.  Exasperated, she’ll storm off vowing to make him wrap his own damn christmas gifts. Cursing under his breath, he’ll grab the scissors and tape, and we know where that leads. Half hour later you’re in the emergency room,  your mother isn’t sure who is worse, her husband for being an idiot or her child for bringing such filth into her life.

Christmas is ruined.

And it will be all your fault.  On the bright side, we do love traffic. You’ll probably be a big part of it now that you’ve been cast aside by your family.  Wait till your grandmother hears about this…

Ah, the holidays

Well, with the oncoming tide of Christmas sweeping down upon us and our site traffic dropping with it, we here at Loltheists would like to wish you all the best. We would like to take a moment to thank all our contributors, and everyone who has told their friends about us. We enjoy stalking you all and seeing what you have to say about our handiwork around and about the net.

As contests go, I think we need a little work, thank you to our submitters, all, oh, 3 of them. There’s still time to submit on what is undoubtedly the best odds you’ll find anywhere. We are taking submissions through the end of the year, and we’ll pick our winners new years.

For those sticking around, we’ll try to keep you amused. The rest of you, we’ll see you on the flip side.

Tis the season… for a contest!

As we are now firmly entrenched in the Christmas countdown, it’s the perfect time to take a critical eye to the icons that surround and engulf us. So go out amongst your fellow man, and photo and caption this seasons religious absurdity wherever it can be found. Gaudy nativity scenes? Poorly juxtaposed reverence in the streets? Hypocrisy of the season? Snap it, Caption it, Submit it. If it amuses you, amuse us, and you may end up with one of our fabulous shirts. Yeah, the prize could be better but there’s only so much money we can lose on this site. OH! Did we mention fame? Yeah, internet fame! Surely that will keep you warm this season.

Standard submission guidelines apply. Must have a Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Etc theme to qualify. For those who have problems photoshopping images, we’ll even take your image and your supplied caption and make the final entry for you.

Just think, you’ll finally have a good use for that camera phone that was foisted upon you by your cellphone carrier! Our favorite two entries get a t-shirt of their choice from our store. Entries will be placed up as we get closer to Christmas.

Contest is limited to entrants in the United States & Canada. Sorry. Winners to be announced January 1st.

Oh, and our queue is empty so feel free to send any other non-contest submissions you’ve been thinking about. Also, we know a ton of you are Stumblers, if you enjoy our entries, please give them ye old thumbs up. More traffic means more people, which means more submissions, and we all live happily ever after. Thanks.

And now a word from our sponsor

Ok, not really, but since surprisingly we aren’t making ad revenue off google ads and their prayer ring tones and Christian T-Shirts, we decided to look through Amazon for something loltheististicly (I love making up words, LolTheist is cringing right now, be sure of it) appropriate.

What we found, and are continuing to find, is just really, really amusing. So, I’m dropping the first batch altogether here, so in the future, when the ads are long gone we can still look back and laugh.

If you feel really charitable, click through them before doing your Christmas shopping on Amazon, and we’ll get a stipend. But even if you’re not planning on shopping, these are seriously worth taking a look at. Without further ado…

Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure I mean come on people, DELUXE Miracle Jesus! With GLOW IN THE DARK hands. Here at we look for the absurdity in religious art, and we wonder how such paintings could ever have been considered reverent at the time. Guess some things never change.
Believe In God Breath Spray Ok, so they are, at least, not serious. Still, it made me laugh. Check out some of their other products which are just as amusing.
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Intelligent Design The only problem with the book is that while the cover is priceless, the content is depressing. Still, if you have an IDer in the family, this might be a good way to show your support in their misguided beliefs.

There’ll be more to come, but enough for one day, eh?

A’ight slackers, get busy

We seem to have dropped off a bit in the number of submissions. And yet, the logs show all these people hitting the site, day after day.

Well, it’s time to pay up.

That’s right.

Send us some funny pics, damn it!

We know you can do it. (I’m looking at you, kdl, RichVR, Min, Doubting Thomas, lolbuddhist, garth, RoyN, Flinthart, and you others that didn’t want credit.)

And snap it up.

Um … pretty please? 🙂

Love and kisses,


You know you want one…

And you can have one, too! See that link at the upper right there? No, not there. A little to the left. There ya go. We now have items up at Cafepress. This site has gotten more attention than we expected, and this will help offset some of the bandwidth cost.

Thanks for reading!
The LOLtheist Team