Submitted by Reynard.

Disclaimer below the cut.

*MUST CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY. MUST BE CONFIRMED, MUST TAKE COMMUNION. MUST TITHE 10% OF GROSS INCOME. MAY OCCASIONALLY BE ASKED TO KILL, MAIM, INJURE AND/OR PERSECUTE NON-CHRISTIANS, HERITICS, WITCHES AND/OR HOMOSEXUALS. (NO PROTECTION FROM DEATH OR PERMANENT INJURY BY NON-CHRISTIANS, ETC. IS EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED IN THIS OFFER.) MUST ACCEPT DOCTRINE OF PAPAL INFALLIBILITY. (THIS SUPERCEDES ALL FREEDOMS OF THOUGHT, SPEECH AND/OR EXPRESSION GRANTED BY EARTHLY POLITICAL POWERS AND/OR ENTITIES.) MUST BE WILLING TO KISS POPE’S RING AND/OR ASS DEPENDING ON CIRCUMSTANCES. MUST BE WILLING TO GIVE UP ALL LEGAL RIGHTS IN REGARDS TO THE FOLLOWING (BUT NOT LIMITED TO): PEDAPHILE PRIESTS. OFFER SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE. MILK NOT INCLUDED.